The Shadow Side of Being Thankful

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How many times have you said it? I’m so grateful for this, thankful for that, blessed to have him or her or them in my life. When you say it…does it ever feel…empty? I know it does for me at times. Of course I’m grateful. I’m grateful for my family, friends and fans, the roof over my head, food in my belly, and I’m grateful for music, among other things. But sometimes saying those things just makes me angry. Sometimes when I say out loud that I’m thankful for this that or the other thing, it reminds of all those things that I have so desperately dreamed about my whole life.

I’m grateful for my family but I hate how far away they are.
I’m grateful for my friends but I never get to see them.
I’m grateful for my fans, but I need thousands more to be successful.
I’m grateful for my apartment but I want to buy a house.
I’m grateful for my music but I want a damn record deal.

Do you ever do this? Put the “but” in there? I feel a twinge of shame even as I write this. Not wanting to admit that not only do I do this, but I do this…A LOT. You know what my trick is though? I just fucking accept it. Accept it as part of my process at times, and I don’t live it. I live from the place of being truly grateful and the emotion that comes along with it when I am. Not frustration that is clearly just a reaction.

Let me share with you what I mean…When I’m relaxed and feeling calm, happy, content. I take a real, non judgemental look at my life and what’s around me. When I think about the people I love, the songs I get to write and record, the voice I get to sing with, and I take some really good deep breaths, I’ll often notice a gently smile spread across my face. I feel a little extra burst of love in my heart. I feel this light and know how special it is because I know what the shadow side looks like.

So yes, I get angry at times and THINK from a place of lack, but I LIVE with the actions I take from a place of happiness and abundance. That, I am truly grateful for.

Love & Music,

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